


a 8eautiful day for a neigh8or

by oncewewerezombies



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Alternia, Bad Decisions, Bickering, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Cussing, F/M, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Teenagers, bucket references, heavy amounts of petty, pitch and spades day, vague references to canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-15 10:56:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13611900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncewewerezombies/pseuds/oncewewerezombies
Summary: The Launch Of Both A Young And A Budding Kismetic Relationship, In Three Acts (of Text).





	1. Act 1

**Author's Note:**

> A gift for tumblr user, scoundrel (Fiona), as part of the Homestuck Valentine giftswap. She asked for neigh8ors, and I was happy to oblige.

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] started trolling centaursTesticle [CT] 

AG: You know it's getting to be that time again!!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> Really  
CT: D --> I simply can't imagine what you mean  
AG: Don't try and be coy with me, neigh8or!  
AG: You know exactly what I mean.  
AG: I imagine it's written down on your fucking sweepchart - 'See the amazing Vriska in my bluh bluh wreck of a hive for tuning of her cy8ernetics'.  
AG: It had 8ETTER be. I have lots of things to do!  
AG: And your shoddy workmanship is holding me up.  
CT: D --> My goodness  
CT: D --> Well, perhaps in that case you had better see someone else  
CT: D --> Someone who could properly look after my unique, carefully designed pieces of groundbreaking cybernetic prostheti%  
CT: D --> I am sure that for a troll of your skills, it w001d be easy  
AG: HahaHA, you're HILARIOUS, did you know that, Zahhak?  
AG: Anyway, I'm coming over tomorrow night and that's that! Get your oversized graspers ready to handle all of this Serket magnificence.  
CT: D --> I'm busy  
AG: What the fuck could you even 8E busy with?  
AG: You don't DO anything!!!!!!!! You don't go anywhere, and you have no friends!  
AG: I bet I can tell you exactly what sad lonely workshop you'll be doing your sad SAD LONELY loser thing in too! Right from across the canyon!  
CT: D --> Washing my hair  
CT: D --> It is something of a process  
AG: Seriously?  
AG: See, when people say you don't have a sense of humour, I have to make sure that I start telling them that they're WR8NG!  
AG: When you can manage to unwedge the double pair of sticks you've got wedged up your nook and your chute, YOU'RE A FUCKING RIOT OF LAUGHS!!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> Mind your tone  
AG: Oh shut up.  
CT: D --> What was that, Serket  
CT: D --> Please take control of my prosthetic arm to slap myself in the face repeatedly in an act of correction for both my bad mareners and my 100d language  
CT: D --> I suppose  
CT: D --> If you insist  
AG: Don't you d  
AG: ahifnabdeifd ve  
AG: swbduwbakfpvab ovvl  
AG: ARGH!  
AG: I H8 it when you do th8t! H8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8!  
CT: D --> I suppose I c001d change my plans  
CT: D --> I don't really see what is in it for me however  
CT: D --> And I don't think I will  
AG: The pleasure of my fucking company, that's what in it for YOU! There's trolls out there that would KILL for the privilege, hoping to soak up even a few of my cool vi8es.  
CT: D --> Possibly even eight of them  
AG: Don't do MY thing! You're not allowed to do my thing!  
CT: D --> As you say  
CT: D --> I have work to get back to  
CT: D --> So I am going to leave this conversation  
AG: Don't forget!!!!!!!!  
AG: I'll be there at 8 sharp!

arachnidsGrip [AG] stopped trolling centaursTesticle [CT] 

arachnidsGrip [AG]  has logged off!

CT: D --> I suggest that you do not do such a thing  
CT: D --> Oh, you've gone  
CT: D --> Fiddlesti%  
CT: D --> You had better see this when you log in ne%t, Serket  
CT: D --> I have no intention of delaying my required and habitual routines  
CT: D --> In order to appease your sense of self importance

centaursTesticle [CT]  has logged off!


	2. Act 2

arachnidsGrip [AG] started trolling centaursTesticle [CT] 

AG: What is wrong with YOU?!!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> Nothing is wrong with me  
CT: D --> I might ask you the same question  
CT: D --> I told you I w001d be otherwise occupied tonight  
CT: D --> The fact that you did not rearrange your plans or perhoofs chose a different date for your manetainance  
CT: D --> Is entirely on you, Serket  
AG: My eye! My F8CKING eye!  
CT: D --> You will reconsider your obscene use of language immediately  
CT: D --> Anyway  
CT: D --> I will admit I did not e%pect Aurthour to lead you to my  
CT: D --> Private quarters  
CT: D --> On your arrival at my hive  
AG: WELL, HE DID!!!!!!!!  
AG: THE THINGS I'VE SEEN CAN'T 8E UNSEEN!  
CT: D --> And I can not take back the instance of being walked in on in the privacy of my ablutionblock  
CT: D --> Indeed, my ablutioncloset  
CT: D --> Not what I w001d call a minor violation of my personal space  
CT: D --> Both of territory and body  
AG: ARGGGGGGGGH!  
CT: D --> I will remind you that my door was closed  
CT: D --> And you are the one who opened it of your own volition  
AG: You disgust me. Zahhak, you are simply am8ng the W8RST!  
CT: D --> The feeling is  
CT: D --> May I venture to suggest  
CT: D --> Quite mutual  
CT: D --> Your sense of ego is overreaching and not deserved  
AG: It's not ego when you're simply the 8EST!  
CT: D --> I disagree  
CT: D --> STRONGly  
CT: D --> You are far from, as you put, 'the best'  
CT: D --> You're one shade below me, for a start  
AG: So what? SO WHAT SO WHAT SO WHAT SO WHAT SO WHAT SO WHAT????????  
AG: I don't CARE what YOU think!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> Don't you  
AG: N8, I D8N'T!  
CT: D --> You're using an awful lot of eights  
CT: D --> For someone who doesn't care one smidge  
AG: You!  
AG: You shut up right now!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> You can't make me  
AG: You are so FRUSTR8ING.  
AG: You just w8, and one of these nights, I'm gonna make you dance like a puppet on some fucking strings!  
AG: MY strings!  
CT: D --> Unlikely  
CT: D --> E%ceptionally so  
CT: D --> I don't think you will ever be STRONG enough  
AG: OH YEAH???????  
CT: D --> To answer you in the correspondingly correct yet udderly rudimentary parlance  
CT: D --> Yeah  
AG: We'll just see about THAT, Zahhak!  
AG: You JUST W8!  
AG: You better be dressed this time, I'm coming back over and we are going to HAVE THIS OUT!

arachnidsGrip [AG] stopped trolling centaursTesticle [CT] 

arachnidsGrip [AG] has logged off!


	3. Act 3

centaursTesticle [CT] started trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] 

CT: D --> Serket  
CT: D -->  
CT: D --> Vriska  
CT: D --> Are you there  
CT: D --> Vriska  
CT: D --> Vriska  
CT: D --> Vriska  
CT: D --> Vriska  
AG: Oh my G8D, quit it!!!!!!!!  
AG: You're really irritating when you get going, you know?  
CT: D --> Well, I was a little concerned  
CT: D --> You left my hive quite abruptly  
AG: Ok. Ok!  
CT: D --> That was quite  
CT: D --> Une%pected  
AG: Oh my GOD.  
CT: D --> You were much more e%uberant and reso100tely physical than I w001d have e%pected  
CT: D --> Although obviously I had never entertained such thoughts of a personal nature about you at all  
CT: D --> Before this evening  
AG: You're such a closeted loser! I bet you really enjoyed yourself.  
AG: You definitely didn't act like someone who'd filled a pail before!  
CT: D --> My e%perience in affairs of this nature aside  
CT: D --> I still have a mess to clean up over here  
CT: D --> Mare so than usual  
CT: D --> I think you left half of your attire in shreds on my workbench  
AG: Yeah, and guess who's paying to get me a new jacket?  
AG: Hinty hint, sweaty, it's not gonna be me!  
CT: D --> I will remind you that the feelings we have mutually discovered we hold for each other are not  
CT: D --> At all  
CT: D --> Red  
CT: D --> I see no reason why I sh001d pay for your gosh darn jacket  
CT: D --> Pay for it yourself  
CT: D --> You sh001d have more than enough, if you haven't frittered it away on FLARP gear  
AG: I will mindfuck a team of loser lowbloods to write FUCK all over your FUCKING HIVE. In letters EIGHT feet tall!  
AG: Or you can pay for my new, luxurious beefgrubhide jacket. Which one is it gonna be, Zahhak?  
CT: D --> W001d fau% beefgrubhide suffice  
AG: NO!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> Then you can buy it yourself  
AG: Hope you like having FUCK written all over your LAMEY LAMER HIVE!  
CT: D --> Try it  
AG: Oh don't think I won't.  
AG: You're going to regret this, Zahhak. I'm going to become your worst fucking daymare.  
CT: D --> I find this very unlikely  
CT: D --> I assume you may upgrade from a minor to a major irritant  
CT: D --> But worst daymare seems like a bit too much importance for you to attach to yourself  
AG: You know what? I'm going to have FUN with this!  
AG: That whole exercise of hijacking lowblood brainstems to write obscenities on your hive?  
AG: That's low class!  
AG: It's beneath me. I'll think of something 8etter...something you'll never see coming!!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> I doubt you will be able to  
CT: D --> You are not as innovative as you think you are  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!  
AG: We'll see about that. Now, are you going to replace my jacket or not?  
CT: D --> I believe we had settled at...not  
CT: D --> I see no reason to  
CT: D --> It's not as though my own property has escaped entirely unscathed  
AG: And that's your final word on the subject????????  
CT: D --> It is  
AG: Alright, well, I gave you a chance to make it right!  
AG: No one can say I didn't!

arachnidsGrip [AG] stopped trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

CT: D --> I do not find that unsettling at all, Serket  
CT: D --> Do you understand  
CT: D --> I am completely unconcerned about your hypothetical revenge  
CT: D -->  
CT: D --> Anyway  
CT: D --> I will e%pect you in a cycle for another tune up, if we don't see each other before then

centaursTesticle [CT]  stopped trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]


	4. Denouement

centaursTesticle [CT] started trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] 

CT: D --> Serket, what have you done  
CT: D --> How the heck did you even get a picture of me in that situation so that someone c001d  
CT: D --> Where the fiddlesti% did you find an artist willing to paint something like that  
CT: D --> The whole fudging painting is just obscene  
CT: D --> Why is IT IN A PUBLIC GALLERY  
CT: D --> WHO ACCEPTED THAT 100D AND UDDERLY REPREHENSIBLE THING  
CT: D --> IT'S EVEN ON THE NEWS  
CT: D --> DO YOU KNOW HOW UNCOMFORTABLE IT IS TO BE ASSAULTED WITH PICTURES OF YOUR OWN  
CT: D --> THAT  
CT: D --> WHILE TRYING TO DRINK A GLASS OF MILK, SERKET  
AG: You know, it's not like it's showing your face!  
AG: Just some of your more - hmm! Hoof8eastlike attributes!  
AG: People will only know it's you if you say so, you know!!!!!!! I guess you'll just have to leave it on display in the gallery for EEEEEEEEVERYONE to look at!  
AG: ;;;;)  
AG: Happy pitch and spades day, neigh8or!  
AG: <3<  


arachnidsGrip [AG] stopped trolling centaursTesticle [CT] 

arachnidsGrip [AG]  has logged off!

centaursTesticle [CT] 's husktop is too wet to function!  
centaursTesticle [CT]  is offline!


End file.
